...let's don't lie

Blest be the tie that binds our hearts in Christian love;

the fellowship of kindred minds is like to that above.

We share our mutual woes, our mutual burdens bear;

and often for each other flows the sympathizing tear.

---John Fawcett, 1782

“Hey! How are you?” “Fine! How are you?” “Fine!” “OK, good to see you!” “You, too!”

Have you had an exchange (or a thousand) just like this with friends, family, and other folks who love you? Are you always fine? Are they? ‘Cause, I’ve said the things. And, I wasn’t. Not even close. But I smiled, and I swallowed back truth and tears, and I lied.

And I snatched away from you, my sister or brother, the chance to be real with me in that moment. I kept it safe. And fake. And I diminished the chances that, when your life is going down in flames, and I ask you The Question, you will answer anything but “Fine! How are you?”

And that’s not the way this is all supposed to work. John Fawcett said it in the text of this hymn in the 1700’s. Bill Withers said it in 1972:

            Please swallow your pride if I have faith you need to borrow,

            for no one can fill those of your needs that you won’t let show.

            Lean on me when you’re not strong

            and I’ll be your friend, I’ll help you carry on;

            for it won’t be long till I’m gonna need

            somebody to lean on.

Speak now.

...not the end

Lean on me when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend, I'll help you carry on;
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need somebody to lean on.
---Bill Withers

You may have been following the viral saga in the Humans of New York photo series of Vidal, Principal Lopez, and their school in Brownsville, Brooklyn, the Mott Hall Bridges Academy. 13-year-old Vidal mentioned the influence on his life of Principal Lopez, who had elevated this school and its students to a place of pride and achievement in its neighborhood. As often happens with photo subjects in this series, Lopez was then located and interviewed as a subject herself, and it soon became clear that the story was more complex than your average feel-good 'education saved me' story.

Because Principal Lopez shared that, when contacted by HONY staff about Vidal's comments, she had been composing her resignation letter. She was tired, depleted, beaten down and worn out by the demands and expectations of having to accomplish too much with too little, day after too long day. "I was broken," she said. Broken. Not incompetent. Not uncaring. Not even burned-out, really. Broken. And then. And then, Vidal. Vidal, sharing how a principal had changed his life by changing his school culture. Because a HONY photographer asked the right question of the right random person walking down the right random street. And then. And then, the responses. Likes, hundreds of thousands of them. Positive comments. Scholarship offers for the local school, from all over the place.

 Principal Lopez' resignation letter was not delivered. The Academy is reenergized.

In carpentry, beams often become weak or broken in places or ways that preclude their being removed or replaced; they cannot function adequately, but cannot be replaced with new wood. In such cases, a new beam is placed alongside the weak or broken beam, strengthening it for continued service. In the field, this practice is called sistering. In carpentry, a useful practice. In life, none of us can do without it.

Because, sisters and brothers, we're all broken. But brokenness is not. the end. of the story.