...let's don't lie

Blest be the tie that binds our hearts in Christian love;

the fellowship of kindred minds is like to that above.

We share our mutual woes, our mutual burdens bear;

and often for each other flows the sympathizing tear.

---John Fawcett, 1782

“Hey! How are you?” “Fine! How are you?” “Fine!” “OK, good to see you!” “You, too!”

Have you had an exchange (or a thousand) just like this with friends, family, and other folks who love you? Are you always fine? Are they? ‘Cause, I’ve said the things. And, I wasn’t. Not even close. But I smiled, and I swallowed back truth and tears, and I lied.

And I snatched away from you, my sister or brother, the chance to be real with me in that moment. I kept it safe. And fake. And I diminished the chances that, when your life is going down in flames, and I ask you The Question, you will answer anything but “Fine! How are you?”

And that’s not the way this is all supposed to work. John Fawcett said it in the text of this hymn in the 1700’s. Bill Withers said it in 1972:

            Please swallow your pride if I have faith you need to borrow,

            for no one can fill those of your needs that you won’t let show.

            Lean on me when you’re not strong

            and I’ll be your friend, I’ll help you carry on;

            for it won’t be long till I’m gonna need

            somebody to lean on.

Speak now.