...before I believe

Where shepherds lately knelt and kept the angel's word,
I come in half-belief, a pilgrim strangely stirred.
but there is room and welcome there for me,
...and not alone for me.
---Jaroslav J. Vajda, 1986

Welcome. Welcome for me, stumbling in with no clue, and even less right. Not even sure why I'm here sometimes, not sure what draws me, who draws me, to this quiet scene. There is a diffuse light, and the damp warmth of night-calm animals. The babe makes the tiniest sounds...almost no sound at all. I remember a time when those newborn cries sounded louder than thunder. His mother comforts him; and it is easy, in that moment, to feel that everything in the babe's life will be charmed, that the star over the stable is a kind of sign, a blessing.

I know, of course. No one's life is lived under a blessing star. This baby won't be any different---will he? Because there is something...something...that pulls me to him. It isn't the charm of the star, or the comfort of the mother, though they hold their own appeal.

I need to believe there is room for me. Even before I believe.

Calling all angels

Before the marvel of this night, adoring, fold your wings and bow;
then tear the sky apart with light and with your news the world endow.
Proclaim the birth of Christ and peace, that fear and death and sorrow cease:
sing peace; sing peace; sing gift of peace; sing peace; sing gift of peace!
---Jaroslav Vajda

On this Christmas Eve, maybe a few angel instructions are only appropriate. This modern era carol is the only one I know addressed to the heavenly beings. We know from the Biblical account that the shepherds were shaken and stirred (and maybe terrified) by the angels' arrival on the scene that peaceful  night. Now from Vajda's imagination we hear the angels instructed to 'tear the sky apart with light'! What a scene! A marvel, even!
And the message? Birth. And death. The birth of Christ. The birth of peace. And the death of fear, and sorrow, and death itself. The angels' song? Straight up peace, with no room for anything that breaks it.
That good news is enough to tear apart the sky!

...so here we stand, whoever we are,
bathed in the light of a star...